WISE Words Blog

Three times a year WISE holds a Volunteer Training for all those interested in becoming a Volunteer Advocate at WISE. The training educates volunteers on domestic and sexual violence, abuse and stalking. Participants become comfortable practicing effective listening skills and offering support and access to pertinent resources in the community to those contacting WISE. The interactive training sessions include in depth conversations, use of videos, guest speakers and field trips to our local police station and hospital.  With the completion of the 30 hour training, advocates are prepared to effectively empower those calling our Crisis Line.  Perhaps the most meaningful aspect of Volunteer Training at WISE is how it creates a space where people feel free to question and explore the challenging and discomforting realities of our world.

The group dynamic during Volunteer Training is unique in personnel, perspectives and reasons for becoming a volunteer advocate, yet there is a strong underlying sense of understanding of and respect for one another. I have witnessed how with the exposure of distressing information, group members take it upon themselves to connect, build relationships and support one another.  As I see how a small diverse group can find common ground and concern for these important issues, I become hopeful that much larger groups can as well.  I am grateful to have the opportunity to work with WISE’s Volunteer Advocates as they are brave members of our community, willing to recognize the injustices that exist and further participate in their eradication.

March 13^th begins another six week Volunteer Training. I so look forward to meeting the new members joining our forever growing team. 

- Chelsea Williams, Training Coordinator

"in no state did fewer than 10% of women report being raped. Virginia had the lowest levels of victimization of women, at 11.4%; other states on the low end include Tennessee, Delaware, and Rhode Island."

"I just haven't believed it," says Pam Bensen of the accusations. "In fact this morning, I actually went online to donate again, just to show him that we were supporting him."

In 2003, less than one year after Paterno was told that Sandusky was raping children, he allowed a player accused of rape to suit up and play in a bowl game. Widespread criticism of this move was ignored. In 2006, Penn State's Orange Bowl opponent Florida State, sent home linebacker A.J. Nicholson, after accusations of sexual assault. Paterno’s response, in light of recent events, is jaw-dropping. He said, "There's so many people gravitating to these kids. He may not have even known what he was getting into, Nicholson

This molester had a job. A house. A wife. Two kids of his own. And he gained access to his victim not through brute force but through patience, play and gifts: help with his homework, computer games, a new bike. To neighborhood observers, including the victim’s parents, the molester’s attentiveness passed for kindness, at least for a while. A molester’s behavior very often does.

It’s not just one guy raping little boys. It’s a culture that values a game over basic bodily integrity and physical health; it’s a culture that values that game over education, even at an institution of higher learning. Of course, in the context of that culture, a child rapist is going to get a pass if he’s integral to the game. Of course people are going to cover for him, or look the other way, or make small changes so that they can feel better but don’t actually go to law enforcement, which might threaten the game.

WARNING: The survey contains lewd language. Discretion is advised.

Under a list of reasons for filing the "Hurt Feelings Report," the survey offers choices including "I am a pussy," "I have woman like hormones," "I am a queer" and 'I am a little bitch." It asks for the "name of 'Real Man' who hurt your sensitive little feelings," "name little sissy filing this report." and the filer's "girly-man signature."

After analyzing the calls, the researchers identified a five-step process that went from the victims vigorously defending themselves in the phone calls to agreeing to a plan to recant their testimony against the accused abuser.

Typically, in the first and second conversations there is a heated argument between the couple, revolving around the event leading to the abuse charge. In these early conversations, the victim is strong, and resists the accused perpetrator's account of what happens.

"The victim starts out with a sense of determination and is eager to advocate for herself, but gradually that erodes as the phone calls continue," said Bonomi, who is also an affiliate with the Group Health Research Institute in Seattle.

In the second stage, the perpetrator minimizes the abuse and tries to convince the victim that what happened wasn't that serious. In one couple, where the victim suffered strangulation and a severe bite to the face, the accused perpetrator repeatedly reminded the victim that he was being charged with "felony assault," while asking whether she thought he deserved the felony charge.

"Finally, he wore her down and she agreed with him that he didn't deserve a felony charge," Bonomi said.

What happens next in this second stage, though, is the critical step in the process of recantation.

"The tipping point for most victims occurs when the perpetrator appeals to her sympathy, by describing how much he is suffering in jail, how depressed he is, and how much he misses her and their children," Bonomi said.

"The perpetrator casts himself as the victim, and quite often the real victim responds by trying to soothe and comfort the abuser."

In one case, the accused perpetrator threatened suicide and said in a phone call to his victim, "Nobody loves me though, right?"

At that point, the victim's tone changed dramatically, and she sounded concerned that he might actually try to hurt himself, Bonomi said. From then on, the victim promised to help him get out of jail.

In the third stage, after the accused abuser has gained the sympathy of the victim, the couple bonds over their love for each other and positions themselves against others who "don't understand them."

The fourth stage involves the perpetrator asking the victim to recant her accusations against him and the victim complying. Finally, in the fifth stage, the couple constructs the recantation plan and develops their stories.